omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
We left an ass print on the piano.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
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