The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Randomize
