is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
