im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
i think i have herpe
just one?
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
