i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
