If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
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