Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
