Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
