you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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