I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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