you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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