Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Text me some of your sweat
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
