I am in a vortex of obligation.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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