What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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