Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
