So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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