I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
