She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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