I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
