I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
