Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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