were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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