i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
