Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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