Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize
