Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
it's great music for shaving your balls
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
