I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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