We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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