shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
