Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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