About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
