Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I think I won the penis lottery.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
