oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Randomize
