All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize