hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
