dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
