Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Randomize
