I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize