i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
