YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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