Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
