Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
