I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize