We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
The air taste purple.
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