happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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