I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Randomize
