I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
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