is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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