There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
