dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize