I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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