john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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