she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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