i dedicated my morning wood to you.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize