Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
