No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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