next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
