my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
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