Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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