Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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