I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
