Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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