Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
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