You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
