how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
