1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
My room smells like vodka and shame
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
God I need to hump something, right now.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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