I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
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