No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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