I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
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