dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Vodka?
Forever.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
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