You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
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