i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
