i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
